


Roseph One-Shots

by PoisonedCupcakes



Category: Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator
Genre: Gen, I'm so sad that the fandom is dead, Just a few one-shots, M/M, Mary and Robert pranking Joseph, Mostly funny but also angst, Random & Short, Random scenes, Robert and Joseph doing dumb shit because they are dorks, roseph, that kind of stuff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-06-13 12:31:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15364779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoisonedCupcakes/pseuds/PoisonedCupcakes
Summary: Just a few Roseph One-Shots. Most are dumb and funny, a few angsty and sad.





	1. May I Use Your Shower?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Osmo_sis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Osmo_sis/gifts).



Robert had just gotten into bed, and now someone had to decide it was the right time for a visit. Nobody ever visited. Except Joseph. Or Mary. Or Damien. Craig. Hugo. Matt. Sometimes Brian. And Lucien had from time to time just like, sat down in his kitchen for an hour or so, talking about how his dad had stressed him this time, before going home again.  
          Maybe he had more visitors than he thought. But he couldn't be sure. There was always the possibility of the Dover Ghost messing with his head.  
          The doorbell rang again and Betsy looked at him with her big, wet eyes, as if she wanted to say 'Won't you open?'  
          He sighed, pet his dog and rolled out of bed after he let another ring go by. Obviously, whoever it was didn't want to leave.

 _Oh, this is going to be good._ Joseph stood in front of Robert's door, ringing the bell, and tried not to laugh. It was going to be hilarious.  
          He had been on his way home when he had noticed the cat on the side of the street. It had been lying there motionless, so he had decided to pull over and check if everything was alright. It hadn't been alright.  
          Someone had hit the cat and just drove away, leaving it to die. The poor thing was relatively big for a cat, with black fur and orange eyes. Beautiful. If it wouldn't be bleeding and meowing softly. He had scooped the cat up into his arms and it began to purr when he called Damien.  
          He had no idea what to do, so he had decided to call the only person he knew was working with animals. Even though Damien worked in IT.  
          He had waited, standing outside of his car with the cat in his arms, waiting for the people Damien had promised to send over. And they finally did show up after what probably were just a few minutes, but felt like an hour. Maple Bay wasn't a large city.  
          After he had handed the cat over, one of the animal rescue center guys noticed his bloodstained shirt and jokingly said that it looked like he had just killed somebody. When he sat in his car, he checked in the mirror and saw that not only his shirt was speckled heavily with blood, but also his hands and a few drops even had found the way up to his face.

“Hey, Robert. How you doing?”, he greeted him happily.  
          “Joseph? What are you... Is that blood?” From one second to another you could practically see him getting wide awake. “Holy shit, what happened? Are you hurt?”  
          “Swearing is a sin, Robert”, he reminded him. “Don't worry, it's not my blood. I just wondered if you would let me use your shower so I don't have to go home like this.”  
          “What the fuck happened?” Robert stood in the door, not showing any sign of wanting to let him in.  
          “Thank you.” Joseph squeezed into the house and through the hall to the bathroom while Robert still stood in the doorway, blinking surprised and trying to make sense out of the situation.

“Thanks for the shower.” Joseph had just gotten out of the bathroom and he had leaned at the wall next to the door.  
          “Are those my clothes?”  
          Joseph leaned in and let his lips brush over Robert's.  
           _Oh, fuck it._ He grabbed Joseph by his collar to kiss him deeply, who returned the kiss before pulling away, turning around and leaving him alone in the hallway.  
          “Bye, Robert. See you tomorrow at the barbecue.” He waived with the bloody clothes in his hand.  
          “Wait, are you seriously stealing my clothes? Again?”  
          Joseph did not react, sat in his car and began to pull out of his driveway. Robert shook his head, got back into the bedroom and let himself fall onto the bed.  
          “Betsy, the weirdest thing just happened. You won't believe it.”

 


	2. "Put It In"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe I should just indicate if the chapter's angsty or funny. 
> 
> This one's a funny one.

"Come on, put it in already."  
Val looked at the closed door. It was weird enough to temporarily live with her father, but that was one of the sentences she wished to never hear again. Especially not from Mister Christiansen from behind a closed door.  
"I don't think it'll fit."

A sentence you never want to hear from your father who's in a room with another guy you knew he fucks sometimes behind a closed door.

"Of course it will fit! You just need to push a bit harder."  
"Even if I ram it into the hole, it won't fit."

Maybe she should get out her headphones. Listen to some music. Preferably loud enough to destroy her eardrums. Permanently.

"Maybe if you do it like this?"  
"No, it's definitely too big."

She jumped up, shoving Betsy off of her lap. It was definitively time to get her headphones.

“It's not too big, it just has a weird shape.”

Val eyed the door again. She blinked. That was not a sentence she had expected to hear.  
“Betsy, what the hell do you think is going on in there? Because it doesn't seem to be what I thought it was.” She let herself fall down on her sofa after a few seconds, giving in to her curiosity. Betsy snuggled up to her again, pressing her head into her lap and against her hand, begging to have her ears scratched.

“It will bend if you don't stop to try to force it in.” Mister Christiansen sounded a little irritated.  
“It won't bend, these things are hard.”

Val slapped her hand over her face and groaned.  
“Ugh, okay, I don't know anymore if I actually had the right idea when I heard them. And if that's true, it would be so weird and disgusting to keep listening to them. Maybe I really should get my headphones.”

“I was really surprised how big the package was.”  
“And you just found it lying around under some of your junk?”

“Oh, heavens, Betsy. I'm not sure if I want to find out what they are talking about.”

“You know what they say, one mans junk is another mans treasure. And yours is certainly mine.”

Val groaned again. Another addition to the ever-growing list of sentences you don't want to hear from your father. And another addition to the list of tones you don't want to hear from your father.  
“Betsy, what would I do to trade with you. Because you have no idea what they are saying.” She fell silent for a second. “But then again, you have such a better hearing. And I don't think I want to hear what's going on exactly.”

“I'm sure we both will be really sore and tired tomorrow after spending the whole day on our knees.”

“Okay, now I'm sure that I don't want to have your hearing.”

“Don't just stare at it. Do something. Maybe you could... fiddle around until it fits in somewhere.”  
“Hey, I think I see something. Could you pass me that thing over there? I think it could go in here.”

"I'm sorry, but I think I have to check out what's going on. I just hope that they aren't doing anything gross..."  
Val stood up again, Betsy looked after her before just putting her head down on a pillow, resuming to drool on the pillow instead of on Val's Jeans.  
She knocked.

“Dad?”  
“Yeah?” At least the response was immediate. She opened the door.  
“Hi, Val.” Mister Christiansen gave her a small wave.  
“What is it?”

She rubbed her temples. Her father was kneeling on the floor, next to Mister Christiansen. In front of them were rather large carton, a nearly finished puzzle and the rest of the single pieces.

“It's... nothing. I think I'll take Betsy out for a walk.”  
“Thanks. I think we still need some time.”  
“Bye, Mister Christiansen.”  
“Bye, Val.”  
She closed the door again and heard the two men snickering behind it.

“Pay up, bible boy. Told you we could make her think we were fucking.”  
“Language, Robert. But of course, I'm a man of honour.”  
She heard some rustling.  
“Your five dollar.”  
“Always a pleasure to make deals with you.”

She whistled for Betsy and got her leash. The dog jumped up on her when she tried to connect her collar to the leash.  
“What do you say, we could do what we made Val think we did?”  
“Ew, stay still, Betsy, there's no way in hell I'll stay here to listen to _that._ ”

 


End file.
